When many people think of polygamy dating, the immediate reaction is that it is unethical and unsatisfying. This impulse, however, is largely due to the stigma and taboo of the non-monogamous relationship. In fact, studies have shown that those non-monogamous relationships are actually just as emotionally satisfied as their monogamous counterparts, and that they are even more sexually satisfied. Seems good all around, right?
So why are people so afraid of non-monogamous relationships? According to Anna Dow, an American marriage and family counselor, the answer might have something to do with the culture of sexual conservatism in the United States. "Many of our cultural traditions and values are still heavily shaped by our puritanical roots and religious institutions that still hold great power in our society today," she says. "The surface level answer to where the stigma stems from is mainstream media. When we dig deeper, however, it's important to acknowledge that the media we consume is largely shaped by Puritan religious roots." Sister Wives Dating
The Puritanical roots that Dow discusses have completely warped the way that sex and relationships are viewed in the United States. In a culture where one's "goodness" is determined by how closely they align with Protestant Christian values, non-monogamy is considered a huge sin by many people. Never mind the fact that some people may actually find more satisfaction from being involved in a poly relationship than being involved with a monogamous one. Polygamy Dating Website
One of the main culprits for the Christian panic surrounding polygamy is that it is often conflated with a sex obsession or sex addiction. To those who find a polygamous lifestyle dangerous or threatening, these relationships are discounted as people needing multiple partners in order to feel sexual satisfaction. This, however, is a huge oversimplification of the real satisfaction that many people in poly relationships are able to discover. Sex educators and polygamist people alike have actually found that polygamy can be a great way to expand community and find that meaningful relationships come in all forms. "When I began my journey into polygamy dating, it wasn’t about the sex," says sex educator Dirty Lola. "What I did find was friendships, a support system of sister wives, and family. Many of the relationships I formed didn't have a sexual element at all, but what they did have was a deep love and respect for one another." Become a Sister Wife
So, if this many people are able to find true emotional and sexual satisfaction within polygamy, why do Protestant Christians seem to attack it so fiercely? After all, isn't Christianity supposed to be all about finding community and "loving thy neighbor"? As long as all parties involved willfully consent, what's so wrong with spreading the love around, so to speak? The problem seems to lie within a strict adherence to the scripture and tradition. Many Christians see a departure from what they consider to be traditional family values to be very threatening to their beliefs and ways of life. "No Christian theologian has ever advocated for polygamy at any time in recorded history," writes C. Daniel Motley. "Whether decades, centuries, or millennia after the death of Christ, Christians have believed and confessed the Bible’s teaching regarding its normative sexual ethic: one man and one woman, for life." Polygamy Matchmaking
In recent years, this monogamous view of Christian marriages has been challenged. While still in the minority, growing numbers of Christians are beginning to engage in polygamist relationships-- much to the chagrin of many of their brothers- and sisters-in-faith. For many Christians involved in this new wave of polygamist relationships, the allure has something to do with the pressure in many Christian communities to marry one person at a young age. "I married young, felt trapped by the conservative bounds of purity culture, and wanted to explore the sexuality that we never really got a chance to have," says Jennifer Martin, a young woman who grew up in a conservative Christian environment and eventually began to search for a sister wife with her husband. For some Christians, polygamy provides an opportunity for self-discovery and growth within the marriage that they may not have gotten otherwise.
In the end, no one can tell you whether or not to engage in polygamy. Not the Church, not your community, and not a writer on the Internet. It remains a deeply personal choice for each person to decide on their own. However, through research and DE stigmatization, we will all be able to work toward a future where all romantic partnerships are able to be seen as equally fulfilling.
Comments