Whether you have always lived a polygamist lifestyle or are still testing the waters, you probably have had a conversation with at least one or two loved ones who just genuinely don’t have much knowledge about the topic. Navigating through the process of initially telling your loved ones, and then educating them on terms and setting boundaries, can feel overwhelming. Here are a few tips to help.
First and foremost, understand that you and your partners or sister wives have every right to set healthy boundaries with friends and family, just as you should set them with each other. Even though you want to educate them and keep them up to date, if someone asks you a question that makes you or one of your partners upset, you shouldn’t accept that behavior. We all know family members like to pry, but it’s okay to let them know when you’re not comfortable discussing something.
If you’ve set boundaries with someone in the past and they continue to attempt to push past it, try saying something like, “I’ve told you before that I’m not really comfortable discussing that, and I would really appreciate it if you could respect my privacy.” Most of the time, family and close friends overstep boundaries because they just want to be informed and involved in your life. However, no one is entitled to ask intrusive questions regarding the intricacies of your relationship.
They also are not entitled to have you do all of the work of patiently explaining everything about polygamy dating website and other poly and non-monogamous lifestyles. This goes hand in hand with setting boundaries. You should provide them with an amount of information about your relationship that you and your partners or sister wives are comfortable with, but you are not required to educate them on the entire community. If it’s not relevant to your poly family, there are plenty of ways for them to educate themselves.
It’s great if your loved ones want to learn more about polygamy! However, that doesn’t mean you have to be their encyclopedia if you don’t want to be. They live in the same modern world that you do; there are dating sites like Sister Wives with hundreds of articles at their disposal, TV shows, Blogs, and Books that they can access at the same level of ease you have. If they’re lost you should definitely help guide them, but you are not their teacher. You deserve loved ones who will take it upon themselves to seek educational resources out if that’s something that would mean a lot to you. If you’re happy and comfortable to be a continuous source of poly knowledge to your friends and family, that’s perfectly fine too! Again, it all depends on your boundaries, which of course look different for everyone.
With all this talk of boundaries, you may be wondering, “What if I don’t know what my boundaries are yet?” A lot of people don’t know where they draw the line until someone else has crossed it. However, this may be where you and your sister wives or partners have a leg up because you already practice compassionate communication in your relationship. Polygamists know they have to communicate in abundance with their partners and sister wives dating in order to keep their relationship healthy and happy. Not only do you have more practice with setting boundaries and communicating, you also have more people who are close to you that you can bounce scenarios off of. You have the unique advantage of having multiple people who know you very well to offer different perspectives that allow you to see a scenario from a few different angles. Together, you can try to prepare as much as possible to both anticipate possible situations or confront existing issues. While it’s always possible that a situation you didn’t anticipate arises, you still have the advantage of having a strong support system in your poly family.
Telling the people in your life that you’re a polygamist can be a really empowering and positive experience, but it’s not a necessary step to validate your relationship. Some people don’t tell their families when they’ve opened their relationship to a new partner or sister wife because they don’t feel comfortable doing so. Many people have been socialized into thinking they are required to share the details of our private relationships with other people in their lives, especially their families, but that’s not a healthy mentality to have. You have the right to decide who you share things about your identity and relationships with.
It’s hard when you want to share something so special about your life but are afraid of being misunderstood or stigmatized by the people you want to tell. Many people live by the phrase “hope for the best but prepare for the worst”, but oftentimes wind up receiving a reaction that is in the middle. This is where they aren’t outright condemning you, but show their skepticism by asking questions that make you feel like your relationship is a spectacle instead of a loving partnership. Even if they aren’t overtly negative, comments that assume anything about polygamy dating app based on antiquated stereotypes need to be addressed. If you experience this with someone, try saying in response, “Would you be asking me this if I was in a monogamous relationship?”
Your family and friends that care about you don’t have to be experts on polygamy matchmaking in order to show you acceptance, love, and respect for your boundaries. It’s understandable that they want to learn more about the poly community, but teaching them should not be a burden on you or your sister wives or partners. Enlighten the people in your life on how assumptions about polygamy are hurtful, and encourage them to utilize the resources available to them so that they can educate themselves. This will lead to them being able to show you a more fulfilling level of acceptance and support, and become an advocate for the poly community.
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